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Cycle of Addiction
(to sex)
Addictions act in a cyclical fashion. Both long and short term events lead a person to become very
anxious (and usually depressed). This results in an agitated, or "toxic," state. Eventually one acts out--engages in the addictive
behavior--in order to produce a high feeling and reduce the anxiety. However, acting out becomes a trigger for more acting
out and the cycle continues.
Long Term Contributors:
Abuse (sexual, physical, emotional)
Emotionally rigid, detached family
Development of shame throughout childhood
General obsessive tendencies
An obsessive problem solving style
Other addictive behaviors
Long history of depression and anxiety
Negative core beliefs about oneself and relationships
"All or nothing" thinking styles, catastrophizing, other cognitive distortions
Short Term Contributors (Triggers):
People
Places
Things
Toxic feelings
Toxic thoughts
Toxic behaviors
Anxious "Toxic" State:
Loneliness
Sexual preoccupation
Extreme agitation...the desire for relief swallows up all reason and sanity.
Depression and anxiety increase
"I feel horrible, like Im gonna crawl out of my skin"
"I really feel deprived"
"This is too difficult, I cant stand this."
"Other peoples cravings may be temporary, but not mine"
"Life without lots of sex would be incredibly boring"
"Itll feel great, and this time I will be able to hold onto the feeling" (euphoric recall)
Urges, cravings - strong, emotional and physical impulses to act out
Acting Out:
Behaviors spiral out of control
Gradually involves:
behaviors that are clearly dangerous and must be stopped to avoid major medical, financial, or legal consequences
behaviors that could cause one to lose a job or primary relationship
behaviors that risk physical safety
Watch for...
Budding signs - behaviors indicating a shaky sobriety
Rituals - characteristic patterns of behavior that are part of an acting out episode
Grooming - seductive and/or trust-building behaviors towards others that encourage
them to accept sexual advances
Consequences of Acting Out:
Positive (these tend to be short-lived)
Quick "fix" - an intense "high", nirvana; in some cases simply a numbing of bad feelings
Reassurance that everythings ok...ones moods can be controlled by acting out
Anxiety/depression lessen. Some people report that after acting out they can concentrate for the first time
in weeks. If this happens, it tends to happen when acting out is infrequent. As tolerance develops this sense of well-being
decreases (if it was present at all).
Negative
Remorse, shame, self-hatred
Medical, financial, legal, career, relational, and physical safety problems
Mood swings - emotional roller coaster
Tolerance - more and more acting out is required to obtain desired result - mountain
top feeling doesnt happen as much
Withdrawal - physiological/ psychological symptoms occur if acting out behavior is
stopped
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